Tell me, how do I feel? Tell me now, how do I feel?
"He had a theory that musicians are incredibly complex, and know far less than other artists what they want and what they are; that they puzzle themselves as well as their friends; that their psychology is a modern development, and has not yet been understood." – E. M. Forster

Archive for September 11th, 2001

Tuesday, 11 September 2001


What can I say? It’s still sinking in.

I was listening to National Public Radio as usual this morning when
the news broke about the first plane crash. I was still listening
when the news came about what turned out to be the second deliberate
attack. I finally turned on the TV, and minutes later heard a
reporter at the Pentagon saying that he’d just felt an explosion
in the building. Then later, there were reports of the downed
plane in Pennsylvania.

On screen, I saw the first World Trade Center tower fall, and was
just shocked at how fast it caved, while the news anchors were
talking about something else — they apparently didn’t even realize
what had happened and had to look at the collapse at a playback.
Then, the second tower went down.

"Horrific" is one word to describe what happened today, but there really
isn’t any accurate way to describe in a single word how I felt,
and still feel. For most of the morning, I had a difficult time
just keeping my wits about me and communicating coherently. Physically
for a while, I felt extremely cold — I found myself shivering
sometimes and consciously had to try to stay warm. I can’t remember
anything ever affecting me that way. I’m still mentally shocked
— and I’m certain it’s not something that will go away anytime
soon, for me or many many other people. This
is a dark, dark day that will forever seep into how I live and
how I see the world.

All four hijacked planes were originally bound for California, three
for Los Angeles. I sincerely wish for the best and offer prayers
for all families and friends of the victims of the attacks —
not just locally around LA, but San Francisco, DC, NY, Boston,
and all over the nation and the world. I’m still checking to see
if my friends and their friends around those areas are okay. I
hope you are.

I probably sound rather melodramatic right now, but I’m completely
serious about everything I’m saying, about my word choices and
my intent in trying to convey the magnitude of this day, for me
anyway. I’ve experienced tragedy but not on this kind of insane
scale. I’m sure there are few, if any, people my age group who
have. Today I’ve felt thoroughly confused and yet there are moments
of clarity, like now, when I know that this day will always bring
up devastating emotions. I’m usually pretty reserved when I write,
especially when I’m writing for people to read, but this is just
me typing away right now. I’ll probably have more to say later,
but I just needed to get this all out, here, for now. I haven’t
felt like talking much at all today.

— near Los Angeles

To donate blood, send money or sign
up as a volunteer —

   Please visit
or your local Red Cross office. There are telephone numbers posted
as well as a way to donate money online. If the site
is busy/unavailable, you can donate
money to the Red Cross via

To find out about loved ones (airlines,
Pentagon, NYC emergency information) —

   Yahoo has provided a list
of contact numbers and sites

For the latest news about the terrorist
attacks in the U.S. —

Posted at 9:22 pm | Filed under Musings & everything else, News commentary |